Confessions

Just so you know...

I am the tiniest bit more than slightly besotted.

But do not think for an instant that I could not live without you. There is not much that i require that i cannot myself provide or that i do not already posess.

I do not need you, and I am not incomplete without you. But I want you anyway- not because of selfish requirement, but because you are who you are and that I am who I am in the deepest sense.

There is no lack of self within me, but in your company there is a strange stirring within deepest caverns of my being. Nor does it appear that you have any need for support that you do not already possess in abundance.

Yet the fact of the matter is, when we are together sometimes it feels like we are more than just the sum of our individual selves.

People 'click' and they 'get along' and some lucky ones 'understand'. Does it not appear that sometimes we harmonize on planes that transcend needs, and desires, and dreams? Does it not feel like we grow together (As infantile as our relationship currently is) as two individual trees with interlocked trunks, self sufficient yet all the more beautiful because they are together?

Mundane discussions often center around people, happenings, credos, and values. How can these manifestations of discourse compare to a synergy of philosophy, of admiration of the beautiful, of the truth contained in the slightest nuances within the paradox of self?

How can I refute that inner harmony, borne not out of a desire to only aide but also from a desire to know? Would it be too much to ask, if I asked you to be mine, not because I need you, nor because you need, but because we are both beyond need?

I have forced myself to earn every little scrap of self respect that i have, I have bathed in the waters of the Styx and have come through scathed in the most beautiful of fashions- I have recognized that beauty lies not in perfection, but in the balance of imperfections.

And so have you.

I am not coming to you as someone in search of security or self actualization. You are not the conquest my ego requires. If you have me, you shall not have a project, but a full man. You will not have to fix me- I'm not broken. Yet our parable can be as such as two mirrors that both exude and reflect light. We shine upon one another and reflect each other back and forth so flawlessly that the result is... Infinite light.

Like Achilles, I shall now go forth and there shall be no victory that will not be mine. There shall be no pain that I will not endure. There is no 'self' that I shall not find.

I do not know what I am in your mind, in all honesty. That is your domain and it is yours to do with as you please. Do not lose any sleep worrying about what will happen. Not having you will sting, but it is nothing that i cannot handle.

But I want you all the same- as I said, not because I need you, but because that even if there was no concept of togetherness between people existing, I would invent such a togetherness simply in order to have you by my side.

I will not die without you, and i do not need you. My desire for you is not like the intense, maddening, heat of a raging fire. It is not all consuming, but rather like the heat of glowing embers- it reaches the deepest corners inside. It nourishes, does not destroy. I am not less without you, there is just more of me when i am with you.

I dont know if this sounds completely transient and unromantic, and insincere, but despite not needing you, I want you. Because you are you.

So don't be afraid- I am Achilles.

Will you be my heel?