Shattered.

Things have been spiraling rapidly downwards for me this year. My
once vaunted sense of steady confidence lies in shards at my feet and
I am utterly unequipped to pick things up and put them back together.
My greatest flaw has always been an easy slip into the realm of
complacency. The glaring exceptions lie in spheres where my enthusiasm
and passion are piqued, where you'll see me intense, fiery,
aggressive, obsessive. That part of me has died.

I've become what I've always loathed. The spoiled, entitled child of
wealthy parents. I have not the arms to lift, nor the legs to run, nor
the mind to scheme. All I'd probably be good at being is an
imaginative and grammatically correct clerk. Nothing more.

Now, I'm silent. Absent. My eyes are glazed on a daily basis and I'm
utterly useless. Nothing appeals to me expect escapism. Novels, video
games. That's where I want to live.

There is a difference between life in school/college and actually
working. I was respected there. Even successful sometimes.

But it has now become woefully apparent to me how hopelessly lost I
am, how insufficient my mind and heart are. I feel like a Suzuki
racing in the grand prix.

I hope my parents have something planned out. I hope my brother is a
better son than I am, a stronger man. More able and sharp and
assertive. He's the only hope now.

I can't do this.