To Reconsider...

Men often fool themselves into delusions of grandeur. I am yet another
example of such men.

Always, have I been enclosed by parameters that I have been unwilling
to break. And now that the time to act is gone, I look back and regret
all the possibilities of what could have been- what I could have done.

Had my life been worthy of being recorded in any type of history, it
would be recanted as a tale of wasted potential, of a wretch so
consumed by himself, that he consumed himself. A fire that burned all
the oil and yet gave off no light.

And now that I see this, I ask myself; how was it that I allowed
myself to dream of you? To hope of you? Was the paltry fact that I
believe I could see through all your emotional armor to the beautiful
human inside enough if a reason? I guess not.

I have continually proven to be too weak to break free of these
barriers that life has thrust upon me. Yes, I wish with all my heart
that I could wear the shackles of your love like a king would wear a
crown. But then where would I put the chains that I was born wearing?
They seem not to leave room for anything else.

I'll not ask you now. I've known the answer from the start anyway. I
am enamoured, yes. But what I desire seeks to evade me like wisps of
smoke escaping from between my fingers. Like that memory that lies an
agonizing hairsbreadth from your conciousness. In that situation,
whether the distance is of millimeters or miles, it doesn't matter.

I'm sorry. For myself most of all.